Ricky Redbeard

Ricky Redbeard was a renegade,
A pirate without ship or crew.
He plundered atop a bicycle,
One not even built for two.

His eyepatch stretched over his helmet,
His sword was strapped down to the rack.
He carried the loot that he plundered
In a messenger bag on his back.

When raising his bold Jolly Roger,
Ricky’s hands would come off of the bars.
His flag he’d fly just for a moment
To avoid slamming into parked cars.

He scoured the bike paths and sidewalks
For chests full of golden doubloons.
And when he approached little children
With his sword he would pop their balloons.

One day as he sailed on the asphalt,
Ricky Redbeard was met by a foe.
A pirate so mean and so nasty
‘Twas as if he’d been reared Down Below.

Ricky, he drew forth his cutlass
And matched this new foe blade for blade.
They slashed and they hacked at their chainsets
And oh! what a racket they made.

They were evenly matched in the battle,
Though each wobbled a bit on his bike.
Then the foeman won out over Ricky
Without e’en one slash or one strike.

Ricky Redbeard, he plunders no longer,
But suffers the Eternal Fire.
Sent headlong to Davy Jones’ bike rack
By the worst foe of all — a flat tire!

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